


Call Me Irresponsible

by westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist



Category: The West Wing
Genre: F/M, Humor, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2002-10-18
Updated: 2002-10-18
Packaged: 2019-05-15 13:11:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14791136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist/pseuds/westwingfanfictioncentral_archivist
Summary: Has anyone else ever heard this song and just thought "Josh."?





	Call Me Irresponsible

**Author's Note:**

> A copy of this work was once archived at National Library, a part of the [ West Wing Fanfiction Central](https://fanlore.org/wiki/West_Wing_Fanfiction_Central), a West Wing fanfiction archive. More information about the Open Doors approved archive move can be found in the [announcement post](http://archiveofourown.org/admin_posts/8325).

**‘Call Me Irresponsible’**

**by:**

**Disclaimer:** West Wing characters belong to A. Sorkin. Ronnie the muffin guy belongs to me (I draw my small victories where I can) Cahn/Van Heusen wrote "Call me irresponsible”.  
**Category:** Josh/Donna Romance/humour  
**Summary:** Has anyone else ever heard this song and just thought "Josh.”?  
**Rating:** TEEN  
**Author's Note:** Well, I’m working on so many fics at the mo its just silly. So here is a little something I penned in a coupla hours (and you can tell) to keep my fic output up. It’s just a silly, plotless bit of fun. I value feedback so much and I always reply, so please drop me a line. Xxx 

Josh’s POV.

Donna is pissed with me.

Again.

Not an irregular occurrence, I know, but still a cause for concern.

She’s not even speaking to me.

You see, here's the thing.

I kinda promised to do something for her.

And then...

I kinda....didn’t.

In a nutshell.

That’s not gonna satisfy you lot, is it?

You’re gonna demand the whole sordid explanation.

Well fine.

I don’t care.

So what if she, for some incomprehensible reason, came into work today carrying a large cage containing a small furry being that I did not like the look of.

So what if she then proclaimed the inhabitent of the cage as "Fluffy”, a hamster belonging to her friend who was out of town.

So what if she proceeded to explain that unable to leave it alone with her satanic cats, she had to bring it in.

So what if she then asked me to keep an eye on it for two seconds while she went to get coffee. (Not for me, I might add.)

So what if she told me that under no circumstances whatsoever was I to open the cage.

I mean, that was just silly.

So what if I then took advantage of Miss Dolittle’s absence to try and make friends with Fluffy by, yes, opening the cage. 

So what if I was then distracted by Sam, and went to talk to him, leaving Fluffy with a clear oppurtunity to break for freedom.

So what if, like any self-respecting hamster, he took that oppurtunity.

So what if he then tragically ended up under the wheels of Ronnie the muffin guy’s muffin cart.

Ronnie was very distraught.

So was I. (But more on behalf of myself than of Fluffy.)

So was Donna.

So was Donna’s friend, who when told of the tragedy over the phone, offered to castrate me, free of charge.

Yes.

So, Donna is pissed at me. 

And not, curiously, with Ronnie the muffin guy.

Why not?

It was him who killed him.

She should be just as mad with Ronnie the muffin guy as with me, if not madder.

I think Donna likes Ronnie the muffin guy.

I hate Ronnie the muffin guy.

Donna’s POV

I am so pissed at Josh it’s unbelievable.

I can’t believe he killed Fluffy.

Fluffy was cute.

He was the apple of my friend’s eye. 

She loved him.

And now he’s dead.

And it’s all thanks to Josh and his astounding ability not to follow orders.

He hasn’t even said sorry.

Instead, he tried to blame it on Ronnie the muffin guy.

What has Ronnie the muffin guy ever done to him?

It’s time to demonstrate exactly how pissed at him I am.

I storm into his office and ram a pile of memos on his desk with somewhat less than usual of my characteristic grace.

He jumps.

Good for him.

Certain hamsters I know will never jump again.

"Donna!” he says. "Come on, its not like it was your hamster I killed."

Hmph. I ignore him, and stand in front of him with my arms crossed. 

"Actually, I didn’t even kill him! It was Ronnie the muffin guy!"

Hmph.

"Donna, come on!"

I turn on my heel and walk out of his office.

Let him suffer the silent treatment for a while.

Of course, it’s not like Joshua to reciprocate by suffering in silence. Which is why he comes out to my desk less than five minutes later. 

Instead of apologising, like you would expect, or, at least like you would expect if you didn’t know that he was a jackass, he looks angry.

Hmph. I don’t acknowledge my presence.

"Why aren’t you blaming Ronnie the muffin guy?"

What?

That doesn’t even warrant a reply.

"He killed him, not me!"

I can’t hold my silence any longer. What? I’m a woman!

"You let him out, you arrogant jackass!"

His face breaks out into a grin, like a conker splitting. "At least I got you talking to me!"

"Oh, now you’re less of an arrogant jackass."

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of mockery, Donna."

"Wit."

"Pardon?"

"Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit."

"Either’s fine for me."

"It’s hard to believe I’m mad at you."

"Was that sarcasm again, Donnatella?"

This whole time he’s been following me around the bullpen, but at this I turn round suddenly and stop him in his tracks.

"You are nowhere **near** on good enough terms with me to bring out ‘Donnatella’!"

"Oh-kay."

"You are the worst type of criminal, Joshua Lyman."

"You are nowhere **near** on good enough terms with me to bring out ‘Joshua’!" he mocks.

I give a sigh that turns into a bit of a growl and turn away.

"Hey! What do you mean I’m the worst type of criminal?"

"We’re not talking white-collar crime anymore, Josh. This is fully-fledged, first degree **murder**!" I turn round and hiss the last word into his face.

He jumps. "I gotta tell you, Donna, don’t you think you’re getting kinda...freaky over a hamster?"

"It’s not just about the hamster!"

"It’s not?"

"No! You’re trying to shift the blame of your foul deed onto an innocent man."

"Ronnie the muffin guy?"

"Yes, Ronnie the muffin guy."

"But he did it! That’s like saying I’m trying to shift the blame of the Old Kent Road murders onto Jack the Ripper!"

"You probably did."

"Was that a jab at my deviancy or my age?"

"Which would you prefer?"

"Deviancy."

"It was age."

Josh’s POV

"It was age."

Hmm. Thanks for the ego-massage, Donna.

Really feeling great about myself now.

I wonder how old Ronnie the muffin guy is.

Back to the situation in hand. Donna is obviously nuts about Ronnie the muffin guy.

She loves Ronnie the muffin guy.

Why can’t I stop saying Ronnie the muffin guy?

"What are you, in love with Ronnie the muffin guy or something?"

Silence.

Stony glare.

More silence.

Oohhhhh.

I don’t think that was the right thing to say.

"Excuse me?" she asks quietly.

Dangerously quietly.

"Well, its like you’re protecting him or something. Are you in love with him or what?"

"With Ronnie the muffin guy."

"Yeah."

She rolls her eyes a couple of times before turing to hold my gaze.

Not that I was gazing.

"Yes Josh." She says wearily. "I am, of course, in love with Ronnie the muffin guy."

With that bombshell firmly dropped on my head, she turns and flounces away.

Oh my God.

An admission.

The end of the world is nigh.

Donna’s POV

Jerk.

Jackass.

Twat.

Prat.

Ass.

Idiot.

Pain.

Moron.

There are soooo many more words.... there is not space enough here to list the synonyms for ‘Josh’.

There is not space enough on a coupla football fields, but that’s besides the point. 

Grrrr!

"Do you love Ronnie the muffin guy?" 

[Sigh] I can’t believe him.

Just cos I don’t blame the guy who was just doing his job, as opposed to the guy who ignored my express instructions and opened the cage. Before going away and leaving it open.

This obviously means I must be in love with Ronnie the muffin guy.

Ronnie the muffin guy is gay.

And he smells of muffins.

Not to mention that if Josh had half a brain cell in amongst all that ego, he would realise that I COULDN’T BE IN LOVE WITH ANYONE OTHER THAN......

Oh, never mind.

Eventually, I got so annoyed I just replied, that yes I did love Ronnie the muffin guy, in a voice completely dripping with sarcasm.

I go into his office, cursing my stars that part of my job description involves seeing him for more than two minutes at a time.

He is sitting with his forehead screwed up in what would be quite an adorable way if I weren’t so pissed at him.

He’s been thinking.

Woe betides us all.

"Donna" he greets me solmenly.

"Josh."

"I’ve been thinking."

"I can tell."

He is momentarily distracted. "How?"

"You look like you have a headache."

"About this whole, you loving Ronnie the muffin guy thing."

Oh Godd. "The whole..what...thing?"

"You loving Ronnie the muffin guy."

"I see. Josh.."

"No, let me finish."

"Okay." This should be fun. I can’t believe he actually thought I was serious.

"I don’t think it’s a very good idea, and here’s why. Ronnie the muffin guy...he’s not...well, he’s not really..."

"What?"

"He’s well...I mean...well, he’s Ronnie the muffin guy!"

Time to put him out of his misery. "Josh..."

"I mean, I just thought..."

"What?"

"I don’t know....I just thought that we..."

Ooooh! This just got interesting. My anger fades, he looks so sad!

"Josh..."

"What?"

"Ronnie the muffin guy?"

"Yeah?"

"He’s gay."

His face brightens. "Really?"

"Yes."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"You’re..not in love with him?"

"No, Josh. I am not in love with **Ronnie the muffin guy** " I say, placing special emphasis on Ronnie the muffin guy. 

A slow smile spreads over his face. "Oh. Okay."

"Okay." I smile back and turn around.

"So does that mean you were just mad at me because..."

"You’re irresponsible, unreliable and undependable?" I suggest.

"Well, okay."

I smile again and walk out of his office.

Irresponsible.... Unreliable....Undependable.

Sounds like that old song..

Oh my God.

I think Josh just had the same idea.

Suddenly, very unmelodic strains of song emanate from the offic of the White House Deputy Chief of Staff.

_"Call me irresponsible..."_

Oh God. Heads all around the bullpen perk up at the sound of the unexpected sound.

_"Call me unreliable.."_

People start to laugh, so do I, as Josh suddenly appears at the doorway, a dimpled grin on his face as he sings the next line.

_"Throw in undependable too..._

_Do my foolish alibis bore you...."_

I satnd up, my hands over my mouth as he walks up to me...

_"Well I’m not clever..."_

He suddenly grabs me and leans me over so I’m staring up at his smiling face.

_"I just adore you..."_

This line is accompanied by gasps from the surrounding staffers.

I can’t believe this... 

_"Call me unpredictable_

_Tell me I’m impractical_

_Rainbows I’m inclined to persue..."_

He swings me around as I laugh at him and everyone else joins in the rest of the song...

_"Call me irresponsible_

Yes I’m unreliable

_But it’s undeniably true..."_

Everyone else shuts up to let Josh finish off the song. My heart is thumping as he does:

_"I’m irresponsibly mad...for you."_

The whole bullpen erupts into cheers and claps, including wild cheers from Sam’s office, and a cry of "About time!" from CJ.

Wow...

And I thought that was good.

He’s about to kiss me.

Time to check out, guys.

This is Donnatella Moss, saying Goodnight...and a big thank you...

To Ronnie the Muffin Guy.

#### ‘Call me Irresponsible’ by Cahn/Van Heusen

_Call me irresponsible_  
Call me unreliable  
Throw in undependable too  
Do my foolish alibis bore you  
Well, I’m not clever  
I just adore you  
  
Call me unpredictable  
Tell me I’m impractical  
Rainbows I’m inclined to persue  
Call me irresponsible  
Yes I’m unreliable  
But it’s undeniably true  
I’m irresponsibly mad for you


End file.
